Transitions in Marriage

Congratulations! You just got married!

What an exciting new step for you and your sweetheart. A step that is full of love, family, friends, and new experiences. Though this step is a truly amazing experience and highly encourages, at least by me, how much have you discussed with your new spouse about transitions?

I know that when I got married the only transition I was thinking about was how I was going to move out from my parent's home into a new apartment with the love of my life. Little did I know we had so much more to discuss.

A key thing for all couples to start off with is their mindset about how their relationship was before marriage because expectations start at date one. Were you cohabitating before marriage or did you live separately? Did you continue to do on dates even in your engagement stage? Have you discussed your roles within your relationship with each other?

Believe it or not, these questions are just a tiny example of how the transition into marriage will be for you when you tie the knot.

For example, did you know that those who cohabitate before marriage or more likely to continue to separate their money, social activities, work, and lives even after becoming married? That would make communication, budgeting, and closeness harder to achieve in the transition from engaged to married.

A huge transition that can often feel like the most difficult for newlyweds is the topic of children. Of course, I hope that before getting married you and your loved one have discussed whether you want children and how many. But for most couples, they have a child within the first 2-5 years of marriage.

This is a very challenging time in a new marriage because all previously established conversations and expectations are put to the test. Roles and boundaries are also tested, because of the new addition to the family.

This is something to not be afraid of as long as you are prepared. Remember you and your spouse are a team, you are equal, and you can do it together.

Have you caught onto a theme yet? Communication is right! Get on the same page, and don't be afraid to share what you're feeling.

I have to admit that marriage is not for the faint of heart and should be considered through serious glasses before letting those rose-tinted love goggles taint your judgment. My husband and I went through so many transitions that I had never even realized would happen other than the last year of our marriage. Such as balancing work and school, a budget, and how to adjust to the other person's pace.

Ultimately, I like to think of transitioning as going from two separate beings to one.

In D&C 43:22, it mentions how the husband should cleave to their wife. If you are a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints you might be familiar with the symbolism of the word "cleave."

When we cleave to our spouse we are to hold on so closely and tightly that we become as one or of one flesh. Can you imagine the beauty of becoming so in sync with your spouse that you move as one being? To me, that shows love and understanding in the relationship.

I think that should be our ultimate goal in marriage, and what will guide us in those rough transitional periods in our newly created family.