Damaging Divorce

I have probably rewritten this intro a dozen times at this point because I have so many thoughts and feeling on this topic and don't know where to begin. Not only that but I do not wish to offend or cause any ill-feeling through my writing because this is a very personal and sensitive issue so many of us have been affected by.

First off, a divorce under any circumstance makes me sad, especially when any injustice or children are involved. A divorce is a separation of two people who once felt love and connection for each other, and to me, that deserves a moment of reverence for what could have been being lost.

Secondly, I am not anti-divorce. I support divorce in cases of what used to be known as the three A's. These cases were the ones of Abuse, Abandonment, and Addiction. These are cases where I feel divorce is completely justified by either spouse because no person should be beatened or neglected by the one they are bound to for eternity. I also believe that any other marital problem excluding the three A's, if given an open mind, heart, and time can be worked through. If given the chance their marriage could be stronger than it was prior to the trial that felt unliveable.

In the 1970s through Ronald Reagan, a no-fault divorce law was passed in Californian that in a way lessen the gossip and shock of a divorce to others not involved. These laws eventually made their way in one form or another into every state within the United States. While I feel like the intention of these laws was good at heart, they have rather bad consequences.

Such as the divorce rate rising, couples not having adequate time in the process to thoroughly think, or time to have potential reconciliation. A big majority of divorced couples these days admit that they wish they had given their relationship a fighting chance or that they acted prematurely.

This is not to mention the economic effects it takes on a family to separate. How most fathers have to find another job or work multiple jobs to be able to support their children and their own separate living like rent, food, utilities, and transportation. Child support is also primarily for the children which means that mothers now have to support themselves, their rent, utilities, and so on. It is not surprising to see a divorced family lessen in economic class.

Parents also need to recognize that their children look to them as an example of healthy relationships and love. Children also thrive off of stability which is not the case in most divorce cases, as the children have to travel between homes, family, friends, and schedules.

I speak on this from personal experience, because when I was younger and still an only child my parents went through a separation, and though they never officially divorced and now live together again, I have not fully healed from the consequences of those times.

I remember as a teenager I lost all hope of real love and believed it to be only something in fairy tales, even though years had passed. I remember hating my parent's significant others and was angry at everyone as a child. I hated not having my mom or even my dad with me at church on Sundays.

My only stability was my grandma's house and the church because my grandma was there by my side at both places. My parents even changed my school twice that first year.

Now that I am married, I have vowed to avoid a lot of the things my parents did but especially their separation. I have had to move forward from my old thoughts on marriage and love with my husband and allow my walls to come down and to trust him.

Divorce and separation should not be taken lightly. They should be extremely thought out and discussed if you have the opportunity to. Again if abuse, abandonment, or addiction are the case, please seek out help and support because those are justified reasons to seek a home of sanctuary and peace.