Parenting

Being a parent is not for the faint at heart. It is a hard role but a fulfilling role to have. I think that it is very common for any parent to want to be the best they can, after all no one wants to be blamed, mess up, or have an unhappy child. Yet parenting is a very sensitive topic, where no one really wants to be given suggestions or be told they're doing it wrong.

I bet I would have good odds that you, the person reading this article, were raised on a very western parenting style. You know the one that is authoritarian, spanks, has lots of rules and punishments. That was the way i was raised and it was the way my parents were raised too. It's very common in the United States, because we previously believed that adults know better and are better than children.

Now doesn't that just sound cold and distant to you? I mean no disrespect but all you want is for your child to be obedient and sit their quietly that more of having a pet dog. You're probably treating your child like an animal or an object without even realizing it. This was a huge realization that I had while studying about parenting and the biggest take away.

See your child as a person, equal to you.

Ask yourself, would I treat my friends, coworkers, or even boss like I treat my child? Hopefully, the answer would be yes! If not, maybe you have some rethinking to do.

Now don't misunderstand me, your child is not an adult. They still are very much relant on you until they are an adult. They still need your warmth, food, shelter, and protection. They need your wisdom, even if they deny it in their teenage years.

All I'm saying is treat them dignified, let them explain the way they feel or think. You might be surprised how intune they are with the reality of the situation. Challenge them with something that is not too easy or impossible for them to do on their own. Give them space to try new things. Let the natural consequences take place, over artificial punishments that don't connect to what they did.

I must inform you though that there are times when you should interfere as their parent in natural consequences. The first is when there is a chance of too much danger. It's ok for a child to get scraped knees, a pinched finger, and so on as long as it was a nautarally occurring accident. But if your child could be seriously injured, maimed, or killed that is your responsibility to step in and stop it.

Second is if the lesson from the natural consequence will be learned too far in the future. For example in my class my professor shared a story of parents who allowed their 13 year old to drop out of school thinking he would learn his lesson when no one wanted to marry or hire him for a job. That lesson would take years, and would make him suffer and essentially ruin his life. So make sure to evaluate the consequences reasonably, because this is one instance stepping in and helping your child would be critical to their success.

Lastly, a parent need to step in and get involved if their childs decision is going to harm someone else. No parent wants someone else's child to harm or cause suffering to their child, so be there to help teach your child about other peoples feelings. Help them see how that decision could hurt someone else and why we need to be love our neighbors.

I can testify to you, that if we do these things we will buil. better relationship with our children and in return get to know and love them better. Your children will feel like they have a place in this world and they matter. They will learn to think of others and take care of themselves better.